Anna was apologising before she even knew what she had done wrong. Her ringtone echoed sharply around the stairwell as she fumbled for the green circle on the screen.
"Damnit!" The missed call icon taunted her from the top corner.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she muttered to the screen, finally swiping her thumb up to answer.
"Hey babe. I'm so sorry, I didn't hear the—"
"Are you OK?" Brandon's voice cut across hers, shaky. Had he been crying?
"Yes, of course. I'm having a great time. Are you—"
"You're with your friends?"
"Yes. It was MaryAnne's showcase this afternoon, remember? I'm out with the gang—you said you didn’t want to come."
"They don't like me," Brandon said. "I just bring everyone down."
"Oh no, you'd be really welcome," Anna said, as Katie's iconic laugh drifted through the closed door.
"I'm weird. I don't fit in."
"Babe, MaryAnne just built an entire dance showcase around Neo-Platonic yearning through the lens of deep-fried BLTs. Trust me, you won't be considered weird here."
"I'm lonely."
Anna sighed. She glanced toward the doorway, then down the winding stairs.
"You want me to come over?"
"No. No, you're having fun. Don't worry about me." He said
"Okay. So I'll see you tomorrow?"
“Tomorrow?” He asked.
"Yeah. I'll be out late and I've got lab early, so I'll stay at mine."
"Your mum's?"
She sighed. "Yes. With Mum. Okay?"
"You're going to be alright? Having such a short night?"
"Yeah." She turned back toward the door. She could hear Nemi cheering, the others joining in a few moments later.
"I'll just load up on a quad espresso and buzz through the day, wheee..."
She waited.
"Okay?" she added, when no reply came—just as the door opened and Ellie peeked in. Ellie tilted her head questioningly.
Anna pointed to the phone.
Ellie rolled her eyes and quietly pulled the door closed again.
"Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry about me." He said
"Okay, babe. See you tomorrow."
"I love you." His voice was quiet. Slow.
"You too. Bye," she said, and waited.
There was silence for a few moments—then the flat sound of the line cutting out.
Anna slipped the phone back into her pocket and exhaled softly. With a hundred tangled feelings about whatever awful thing her boyfriend was going through, she opened the door and went back to her friends.
Katie was laughing too hard. Her hands were pressed to her chest, her face pushed out into a grin. The music hit Anna full in the face as Nemi grabbed her hand and tugged her back toward their table.
Sweet smile. Bright voice. She told herself—and after a quick breath, she bounced back with her.
The scent of cheap beer spilt out from the centre of the table. MaryAnne, mid-dance, paused just long enough to ruffle Anna’s hair. Nemi put her hands in MaryAnne’s and together they belted out the chorus of "Dancing On My Own,".
Across the table, Ellie caught Anna’s eye and offered a slight smile of solidarity. She placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder. Anna nodded back.
Tonight wasn’t about her and Brandon.
It was about MaryAnne—and the utterly bizarre thing she had just presented after months of work.
Anna pulled her phone from her pocket. A new text floated on the lock screen:
HAVE FUN x
Her finger hovered for a moment over the Flight Mode button. Instead, she typed:
LOVE YOU <3
She hit send and buried the phone deep in her pocket.
Ellie was still watching. Anna met her gaze for a second, then looked away.
"He just worries about me," Anna said when she looked back. "It’s quite sweet, really."
"Yeah?" Ellie asked simply.
"Yeah. He’s always thinking about me. It’s romantic, when you think about it."
Ellie nodded briefly. "Drink?"
"Oh Christ, yes," Anna said
"Shall I make it a double?"
Anna opened her mouth, then hesitated.
"Better not," she said. "Want to make sure I get home in one piece.” She glanced toward the doorway to the stairwell she’d come back through a few minutes ago.
"Fair," Ellie said, and disappeared toward the bar.
MaryAnne bounded over, throwing her arms around Anna’s waist. Anna flinched a little as she felt her belly jiggle under the embrace.
"Fuck! It feels so good to be done with it," MaryAnne hollered, despite being only inches from her. "Woo! Freedom!"
Anna laughed. "You deserve it. The performance was great."
"I was garbage!" MaryAnne crowed. "If anyone got one iota of meaning from it, I’ll eat my own ovaries! But fuck it—it was ME, you know?"
"Was it?" Anna asked, grinning.
"Probably. I dunno. Who the fuck knows who any of us are?" MaryAnne laughed, blinking rapidly. "Dance with me! Listen! It’s The Killers!"
"I can’t refuse Mr. Brightside," Anna admitted. She glanced back toward the stairwell, then spun herself into the dance.
Anna almost fell out of the door before she saw the car. She straightened instinctively, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
His car was waiting at the curb, door open, light on, Coldplay drifting through the air from the stereo.
A wide, tight smile flushed onto Brandon’s face the moment he saw her. He wore a clean white hoodie and perfectly crumpled jeans. His hair was messy, several loose locks falling haphazardly where his hairline was still damp.
"Hey!" Anna said, "This is a surprise."
"I was thinking to myself that I missed you," Brandon said, "and then I realised—I can’t join you with your friends, but I can drive you home."
"You're so thoughtful," she said, placing a kiss on his cheek, pleasantly eager to be able to take her heels off.
"You deserve it," he replied, shutting the door as soon as she sat down.
"I’m not sure I do," she said as he put the car into gear.
As the car pulled away, she caught Ellie’s eye among the group outside. Ellie gave a small wave, then disappeared as Brandon turned the car around the corner.
Anna looked at Brandon—his eyes fixed on the road, fingers tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the music.
Anna took a breath and broke the silence.
"Thanks again for picking me up. You didn’t have to."
"I wanted to," he said. "I like seeing you."
"I know. I didn’t mean—thanks," she said, turning back to the window.
Rain started to gently fall—patting the windshield with dark drops.
"Good night?" Brandon asked.
"Yes," Anna said, laughing. "MaryAnne’s showcase was ridiculous! Everything was either pink, green, or red like..."
"...It was part of a BLT?"
"Exactly, but unless you knew that, you wouldn’t have known."
"So it was terrible then?" he said with a laugh.
"No," Anna said too quickly. "It was odd and maybe a little pretentious, but it was so her."
“Odd and pretentious?”
"No! That’s not what I meant."
"I know," Brandon laughed. "I was only joking. Was it a belly dance then?"
"What?" Anna raised an eyebrow.
"I only mean that MaryAnne is a bit… y’know'"
She blinked. "Another joke?"
"Of course," he said, finally looking at her. He reached over with his left hand and tickled under her chin. "You know I don’t think about you like that, right? I love you—just as you are."
"Are you saying I’m overweight?"
"No! I’m saying I love you the way you are."
"And what is the way I am? Or the way MaryAnne is, for that matter?"
"Oh don’t be hysterical, you’re nowhere near as fat as she is," he laughed.
Anna didn’t.
"That’s not funny, Brandon. Not at all."
Brandon stopped laughing immediately and looked at her
"Anna, fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I swear."
Anna looked away, her arms folding tight across her stomach.
"I wasn’t thinking. I was being a complete idiot. You’re beautiful. You’re perfect. I love you. You know that, right? I’d never hurt you. Please don’t be upset. Please."
He reached towards her. She tried not to flinch as his fingertips brushed against her knuckles.
"Oh God. What have I done?" he muttered.
"It’s fine," she said. "Watch the road."
"Fuck. I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry. I just tried to do something nice and I’ve ruined it again. I’m so sorry."
"It’s fine."
"I don’t know why you put up with me. You could do so much better. I’m awful."
"You’re not awful," she said, her voice thin.
"Bullshit."
"You made a mistake. Okay? It’s okay, Brandon.” She sighed. “Look, it’s late, I’ve had a bit to drink. Just drop me home and—"
"Home? Your mum’s?"
"Yes. I’m going back to mine tonight, remember?"
Brandon said nothing but started tapping at the Sat Nav on his phone.
"You were taking me back to yours? I told you on the phone—"
"I just thought that—well... My apartment is closer, so…"
"So what? You pick me up and expect a blowjob in payment?"
"No! That’s not fair! You know I’d never pressure you."
"So what then? Why did you drive out to get me?"
"I just wanted to do something nice for you... I..."
"You know what. Just stop the car, Brandon. I’ll walk from here."
"No! You’ll get cold. I can’t let you."
"Let. Me. Out."
"Just let me drive you back. I promise I’ll be quiet. I’ve been such a terrible boyfriend. I hate myself so much."
"Oh Christ," she groaned, "I can’t. No more. Just let me out."
"I’m sorry. I’ll shut up, I promise." Tears were streaming down his face now.
"Then shut up!!" she shouted.
His mouth quivered. He silenced himself, tears pooling silently into his lap as he drove.
Anna turned her face to the window. Her mind starting to fill with self-flagellation. The wipers smeared the rain across the windshield.
Finally, the car pulled up outside her house.
"I’m sorry," she said as he parked.
"I’ll see you tomorrow," Brandon replied, his voice cracking under the weight of restricted sobs.
Anna’s fingers tightened on the door handle.
"Brandon, really. I’m sorry. You were so kind. I’m just rude. You didn’t deserve me shouting..."
"It’s okay," he whimpered.
She sat there a moment longer, Then she opened the door and stepped into the rain.
"I love you," he said quietly.
She turned — but he was already driving away, the tail-lights blurring into the wet, her heels forgotten on the passenger seat.
Anna let herself into the dark house.
She collapsed onto the bed, still wearing her dress, the fabric clinging damply to her thighs. Her hair stuck to her forehead.
The rain pattered on the window, then bled into nothing.